The Fellas at the $@!&*% FCC

"Family Guy," a satire driven animated show, by no means for kids under 17, nailed the FCC for its overreaction to their programming, with their song "The Freakin' FCC Song." Here are the lyrics:

They will clean up all your talking in a menace such as this
They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a piss
And they’ll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss
It’s the plain situation!
There will be no negiotiation!
With the fellows at the freakin FCC!

They’re as stuffy as the stuffiest of the special interest groups…
Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops
Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops!
Take a tip, take a lesson! you’ll never win by messin’
With the fellas at the freakin’ FCC

Bridge:
And if you find yourself with some you sexy thing...
You’re gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling…
cause you can’t say penis!

So they sent this little warning they’re prepared to do the worst
And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be co-erced
I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first!
They may just be neurotic, or possible psychotic
They’re the fellas at the freakin FCC!

Obviously, this song rubbed some people the wrong way, but the great thing about Family Guy is that it isn't afraid to take criticism for pushing the envelope and not censorsing certain things. I think that censorship is okay if used for the right reasons, like protecting to innocence of little children. However, relating to this class, if you censor things, you create a false illusion of reality, and your audience is trapped in a Plutonian cave where crude language doesn't exist.

You have to consider also, that there is a certain inevitability that people will eventually lose their innocence (that is, unless a person is sheltered to the point where their emotional growth is stunted). By the time kids reach a certain age, there are certain words, images, and things that they are inevitably going to know. You won't find a middle school student who doesn't know what sex is. It makes me wonder, why do people want to censor things that a majority of people have already been exposed to. My theory is that censoring TV content is a form of money making, allowing two versions of TV content available to the open market: censored and uncensored. The more ways you can reproduce the same material, the less money you spend. In return, since there is demand for both types of content, the businessmen end up with more money.

Deciding what does and what doesn't get censored is a bigger power than most people realize. Censorship doesn't just include removing certain expletives from TV shows, it also entails keeping information secret and not telling the whole story, such as some journalists do when reporting on a story.

However, we are making plenty of progress. Certain words that would've been censored 20 years ago are now seen as innocuous. Now, if we could just get the media to spill the beans more often...

You Are the Weakest Link...Goodbye!

"It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway."
- Evan Esar

I like how Esar uses the metaphor of a car falling apart to illustrate just how important teamwork is. In group situations, it takes the entire group to be successful, but one person can just as easily ruin it for everyone. In a college setting, there is the all-too-familiar position where a group divides up the work for a project, and on the day of the presentation, someone is absent, and therefore a portion of the presentation is gone, and the group suffers.

Perhaps Esar would agree with the phrase "if you want something done, it's best to do it yourself." Relying on other people can have negative consequences those particular people have huge flaws. I myself prefer to do things alone, because I would much rather determine my own destiny, than put it in the hands of a few unreliable people. On the other side of that, if I became lazy and remiss in my duties for a project, I wouldn't want someone else to suffer for my laziness.

One must also notice the magnitude of Esar's comparison. If something is wrong with a car, and the parts of it scatter over the highway, the car is ruined and the people inside of it could be seriously injured or dead. Obviously, relying on other people and/or things doesn't always have this worst-case scenario. Who could blame him for wanting to be in control of his own destiny, though?

An Evanescent Honor

"Lyrics are like liquor for the fallen soldiers"
-Common, in the song "The People."

As I was listening to the song mentioned above, this particular lyric stood out. I'm sure there are multiple interpretations for what this line could mean, but today I came up with a possibility. First, I thought about how in certain urban areas, gang members pour out from a 40 oz. bottle of liquor to commemorate dead gang members, which is where I think "liquor for the fallen soldiers" comes from. After I figured that part out, I thought "how could that possibly relate to lyrics?"

Well, first of all, I wouldn't know that gangsters refer to themselves as "soldiers" if it wasn't for rap music, which is reflected through lyrics. A rap song has two main components: a beat and lyrics. Strangely enough, the listener only remembers the lyrics for a short while, but the beat is more memorable over time. This means that in terms of the song's legacy, the lyrics are an afterthought.

With that, it's easy to make the comparison of lyrics to "liquor for the fallen soldier." The short time after a person dies, people honor them briefly, but then place them as an afterthought as time goes on. Common is saying that when it comes to remembering a person, people have a tendency to remember the most immediate things as opposed to the person as a whole over time. You can pour out a little liquor to remember a friend, but eventually, they will be seen as an afterthought.

The War Against Reality

"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality."
- Jules de Gaultier


If someone is in a situation in which their reality is one of poverty, war, disease, or suffering, he/she may or may not be motivated to change it. In order to do so, they would have to first believe that change is possible, and second, be able to imagine a different reality. Take for instance, the second stanza of John Lennon's song called "Imagine:"

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

For an Arab or Israeli child who has only known war with the "other side," it would take a strong "weapon" to break the cycle of both war and perception of each other as the enemy. In that case, Gaultier is right. Each has to use his imagination to create an image of peace toward which they can work.

Likewise, if your reality is a ghetto, you have to be able to imagine yourself breaking free of that environment in order to do so. Of course, imagination alone is never enough. It has to be accompanied by hard work and will power. In that sense, I disagree with Gaultier's characterization of imagination as "the one weapon" in the war against reality. It is, however, an extremely powerful one.

Hu's on First?

I found this funny, well-written joke on the internet the other day:

Bush: Condi, what's the name of the LEADER of CHINA?
Condi: Hu.
Bush: You know, the CHINESE LEADER.
Condi: HU's the Chinese leader.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Condi: WHAT, sir?
Bush: WHO's that guy that runs CHINA?!
Condi: That's right. HU's the guy that runs CHINA.
Bush: THAT'S WHAT I'm ASKING YOU! Oh, forget it! Instead, tell me about the NORTH KOREAN LEADER.
Condi: IL?
Bush: He is? Probably the flu. It's going around, you know.

This joke reminds me of Abbot and Costello's famous "Who's on First?" bit, which is really funny because of its wordplay and ambiguity. This joke cleverly uses the homonyms of "who" and "Hu" and "Il" and "Ill." It also helps that the words needed to understand the joke are in caps lock. I don't think the joke would be quite as funny if you didn't know which words to look at. Also, since online communication is two-dimensional, it tells us what words to put an emphasis on to make it sound like a real conversation.

The Devil Made me Do it

This song is called: "Sing for the Moment," by Eminem

[Verse #1]

These ideas are nightmares for white parents

Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings

Like whatever they say has no bearing

Its so scary in a house that allows no swearing

To see him walking around with his headphones blaring

Alone in his own zone, cold and he dont care

He's a problem child, what bothers him all comes out

When he talks about his f**kin' dad walkin out

Cos he hates him so bad that he blocks him out

But if he ever saw him again, he'd prolly knock him out

His thoughts are whacked, he's mad so he's talkin' back

Talkin black, brainwashed from rock and rap

He sags his pants, 2 rags and a stocking cap

His step-father hit him so he socked him backAnd broke his nose, this house is a broken home

There's no control, he just lets his emotions go

[Chorus:]

Sing now, sing for the year

Sing for the moment, sing for the tears

Sing with me, just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

[Verse #2]

Entertainment is danger, intertwine it with gangsters

In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum

Only you're unholy, only have one homey

Only this gun, lonely, 'cause don't anyone know me

But everybody just feels like they can relate

I guess words are a motherf**ker, they can be great

Or they can degrade, or even worse, they can teach hate

Its like kids hang on every single statement we make

Like they worship us, plus all the stores ship us platinum

Now how the f**k did this metamorphasis happen?

From standin' on corners and porches just rappin'

To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ass

But then these critics crucify you, journalists try to burn you

Fans turn on you, attorney's all gonna turn it to

To get their hands on every dime you have

They want you to lose your mind every time you mad

So they can try to make you out to look like a loose canon

You need to spew, dont hesitate to produce air-guns

Thats why these prosecutors wanna convict me

Swiftly just to get me offa these streets quickly

But all their kids been listen'n to me religiously

So I'm signing cds while police fingerprint me

They're for the judges daughter, but his grudge is against me

If I'm such a f**kin' menace, this shit doesnt make sense, Pete

It's all political, if my music is literal and I'm a criminal,

How the f**k can i raise a little girl?

I couldn't. I wouldn't be fit to

You're full of shit too, Guerrera, that was a fist that hit you!

[Chorus]

[Verse #3]

They say music can alter moods and talk to you

But can it load a gun for you and cock it too?

Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude

Just tell the judge it was my fault, and I'll get sued

See what these kids do, is hear about us toting pistols

And they want to get one, cos they think the shit's cool

Not knowin' we're really just protectin' ourselves

We're entertainers, of course this shit's affecting our sales

You ignoramus! But music is reflection of self

We just explain it, and then we get our cheques in the mail

It's f**ked up ain't it, how we can come from practically nothin'

To bein' able to have any f**kin' thing that we wanted

It's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing

Except for a dream and a f**king rap magazine

Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long

Idolize their favourite rappers and know all they songs

Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives

So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die

Till they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe

We're nothing to you, but we're the f**kin' shit in their eyes

That's why we sieze the moment, and try to freeze it and own it

Squeeze it and hold it, 'cos we consider these minutes golden

And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone

Just let our spirits live on, through out lyrics that you hear in our songs

This song is clearly a response to some of the negative criticism that Eminem gets. He has been vehemently protested against by parents who feel that he is a bad influence. This is basically his explanation to the world that in the world of music, nothing can be taken literally, but because of the level of celebrity that rappers have, it IS taken literally. Eminem is saying that parents are not being responsible for not explaining to their children that the music he makes isn't a representation of who he really is or how he wants his fans to behave.

The first verse breaks down Eminem's childhood. Ironically, Eminem explains that his parents were exactly the likes one who now protest against his music. He paints a clear picture of how he was changing as a child, and how his parents started to lose control over him.

The second verse explains just how dangerous the messages of the music industry have become. The kids who listen to today's rap are impressionable teenagers who naively believe everything they hear. So when they hear about degradation of women, or firing pistols when someone makes them mad, they take it to heart and act on what the artist is supposedly telling them to do. However, many of these so called "gangster rappers," are really just thriving businessmen trying to feed their families. As Eminem says "If my music is literal and I'm a criminal, how the fuck can I raise a little girl?"

The last verse is most intriguing to me. Can music really make someone "load up a gun and cock it too?" Eminem basically is pointing out that it is an easy cop-out to blame music for a violent action, and because so many believe the insanity plea, the artist who raps about violence will always come down with the blame. Unfortunately, the state of rap music industry is such that violence, drugs, and sex sell, and if you don't stick to those topics, you won't make as much money as you would otherwise.

It's funny how children our age find authority in the strangest places. It's almost as if we look up to these artists as a lost child would to his/her parents for guidance. We feel as though these rappers hold a certain level of credibility because of how famous they are, and therefore act on what they say to get an almost subconscious seal of approval.

Ben Franklin's Crystal Ball

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." - Benjamin Franklin


It seems almost as if Ben Franklin could see into the future of American politics. A few years ago, the government created a bill called the Patriot Act. Among its provisions, the act increased the ability of law enforcement agencies to search telephone and e-mail communications and medical, financial, and other records. However, this Act violates a lot of our liberties granted by the 4th amendment of the Constitution, which is:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures

The government claims that it's better to give up these civil liberties than to be susceptible to domestic terrorism. If Ben Franklin were still alive, he would whole-heartedly disagree. I agree with Franklin. Surely there must better ways of combating the threat of terrorism than sacrificing civil liberties. Ironically, we are less safe in America today than we were when we passed the Patriot Act.

However, there is a modern-day example of people with power who agree with Franklin. Recently, a federal judge in NY ruled that a particular provision of the Patriot Act was "highly illegal and unconstitutional."